19 January 2006
  luke can be awesome-o too.

i can't believe i am continuing to bitch about brokeback mountain. i mean i watched it like a week ago and it was completely unmentionable. but i found this link so i had to post it.

and once again i will make a plea to the filmmakers of the world to never make another movie about gay cowboys eating pudding. there are lots of good gay themed movies that could be made that would not involve texans who violently and uncomfortably make out, abuse their wives and children, and spend the rest of their days staring blindly into the mountainside. as a matter of fact here are some suggestions

1. corey feldman is an aging street hustler who gets hit by a car driven by an angel played by mandy patinkin. patinkin takes feldman on a magical trip through time to show him what life would have been like if he had gone to medical school like he wanted. as a result feldman finally finds God and becomes an episcopalian minister.

2. charlize theron is a post-apocalyptic lesbian and demon exterminator who finds a wormhole into 1978. she travels there to meet and destroy the head demon played by angelina jolie, an evil nazi surgeon threatening to release the AIDS virus on humanity. but things get complicated when theron and jolie succumb to their animal lust for one another.

3. ted danson, steve guttenberg and bernie mac, roommates in their suburban townhome, are thrown for a loop when a great aunt dies and leaves them a baby in her will. there is just one problem: the baby is gay. the three go to great lengths to try to fix the baby's queerness and, in the process, come to turns with their own sexuality.

4. harrison ford leads a team of supergay supercriminals as they attempt to break into a vault in the smithsonian and steal the original ruby slippers worn by judy garland in the wizard of oz. however, in order to have success they will need to find a way to get past woody harrelson, a tough security guard who has just one weakness: he's secretly addicted to meth.

5. bruce villanche: the musical

anyways, i think any of these ideas could potentially make a better film than brokeback mountain, and i have a hundred more up my sleeve:)
6. my dogs fighting for the same, random, dirty, old, and stinky toys.
7. Elizabeth Berkeley stars as a tough, no-nonsense girl on the run from her past. She succumbs to the glitz and glamour of the stripper's life on the Vegas Strip. When she gets casted as topless dancer in a hotel show, she sets her sights on the lead role. Enter Gina Gershon, the sexy southerner with a penchant for Cristal (her namesake), nose candy, white trash nail jobs and the occasional cunnilingus fest. When given an opportunity to advance, no matter what the cost, Berkeley takes it and has success, until she takes revenge on an attack of her quasi-lesbian, chip-loving roommate. Her past catches up to her in this tragic movie of the lightning Vegas lifestyle.

Oh wait... that bad plot idea has already been made.
ps did you ever see nathan's awesom-o costume? It was fucking hillarious.
no i didn't see it, but i did know that he dressed up like awesome-o. i am sure i would enjoy it as i am a huge afficionado of obscure halloween costuming.
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